Growing up in Harare, Zimbabwe I had so many voices telling me how I needed to be as a woman. The voices came in different forms. At times it was loving instructions from my mother and aunts about how society wants a woman to be. Other times it was harsh and loud as my father yelled about how a woman ‘in his household’ should not behave. Oftentimes it was secretive, little misguided voices in conversations held with other girls also being trained to be pleasing young women. Over time (and with enough repetition) the voices became gospel truth and this truth frightened, stifled and eventually silenced the individual voice within.
And so she was birthed – the African woman who knows not who she is but reminded everyday about what she is meant to be.
Not for herself though but for everybody else. A woman living an existence based on a learned belief that she is a lesser being. That her hopes, dreams and desires don’t matter for her one purpose in life is to serve…others. A woman who has forgotten who she is and that she has a voice. And even if she ever found that voice…has no idea what it would say.
Transformation Speaker Lisa Nichols (and crooner John Mayer to be fair) talks about the need to “Own your whisper”. That each person needs to have the courage to say what they need to say even if it comes out as a small shaky voice.
And that is what burns the fire within me. The desire to help women find the courage to whisper their story, ask the questions and seek the truth!
Why whisper and not voice? Because the truth is we are afraid – of not just our voices but how our speaking out will be received.
Will we be called angry?
Will we be heard?
Will we be gaslit?
Will we be made fun of and told to go back to the kitchen?
Will we beaten up for “not knowing our place?”
Yes! All those things can happen.
And so fear sets in and we voice our discontent in hidden spaces. We mumble angrily over a kitchen sink, yell out frustration in the safety of our cars on the highway, have marathon calls with sympathetic friends and cry burning tears in the shower. Before pulling ourselves together and stepping back into the characters given to and expected of us. Stepford Wives style.
So we can only start with a whisper, a persistent one, but a whisper nonetheless.
In safe spaces.
I dream and hope my passion and my work will create that safe space for all women willing to grow share, talk and vent. We will engage life as it is for us as women, encouraging a sense of community that enables individual journeys to become part of a collective movement.
And because finding that voice is not an event, this will be a process of first accepting our stories past and present.
Acknowledging the paths we have walked and being brave enough to share those stories and lessons learnt along the way with others – in a safe and loving space. The more we are able to truly hear one another and appreciate each and everyone’s story and struggle without judgement, the stronger we will be when we start to take determined unshakable steps towards turning our whispers into a roar that cannot be ignored.
It is only when that happens that can we forge a new reality for ourselves and the young women coming up behind us.
A reality based on our wants, needs and our desires.
A reality where we matter.
Equally.
