For a while, the issue of premarital sex and contraceptives keeps popping up on my timeline. And while that in itself is no big deal, the commentary around it is what has been alarming.
A lot of people (mostly prominent men) dared voice their opinions on the availability of contraceptives to young women – with most ignoring the alarming rate of teen pregnancy and STIs occurring amongst the same age group.
Further to this on one of our local radio stations, a young woman aged 27 called in and asked about contraception for herself and her partner and to my dismay, the advice she was given was to get married so they could have sex.
There is such a huge hypocritical disconnect between what is preached about in the country compared to reality. And it is all steeped in patriarchy.
The enjoyment of and control of sex has always been at the hands of men. They initiate the act, they decide whether or not to bring and use protection and let’s be honest for the most part they are the ones that enjoy it most…(fake orgasms anyone?)
As women, we are just seen as the vessels through which this sexual pleasure and reproduction occurs. This has led to men foolishly believing that they can dictate how we approach sex and what we can do with our bodies and when. And as women, we have let them believe this and to a certain point also believed it too.
There is a huge disservice being dealt to our young girls because as a society we never speak to our kids about sex. In the olden days, this was left to the elders (anaTete) to teach us about the birds and the bees, but this has long faded away. I speak from experience. Our parents are so “conservative” that they would sooner face a firing squad or chew their own arms off than sit down and engage openly about sex. And the only time they do it is aligned with sin.
As a result, there are a number of generations who enter this minefield completely clueless about what to do, and what it means mentally, emotionally and physically. All the while being lectured to by charlatan pastors that sex is a sin and that abstinence is the only way.
So a woman grows up fearing and loathing sex all at the same time, but longing for it and expected to deliver it. And having zero agency as to how to navigate it in a way that works for her. It is no surprise that 75% of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone and only 10 – 15% never orgasm under any circumstances. This is due to mental blocks that will take years to address. But these will never be cleared in a patriarchal society!
The hypocrisy needs to end. Zimbabwe is no longer a conservative society and conservative Christian society is only preached when it is used to keep women oppressed. As a nation, we have long moved away from these beliefs. How can a society that celebrates and normalises the concept of a Small House still have the cheek to open their mouths about sexual morality? I can tell you how…when it suits and pushes forward the agenda of males and their pleasure.
And considering the prevalence of sugar daddy culture, I am shocked and dismayed that mothers are not running to protect their daughters by getting them contraception as a Sweet Sixteen present.
This is not to say sex is to be condoned amongst young people, I am in agreement that there has to be an age where it is legally mandated that kids can indulge in sexual acts. However, only an ignorant fool will ignore that despite laws in place, young people are going to have sex whether we preach abstinence or not…just like married men and women will cheat whether we preach faithfulness or not.
So what can we do?
We take our judgemental blinkers off and prepare our children for the inevitable. Get over our outdated beliefs and have open, honest conversations with them about sexual maturity and the joys and pitfalls that come with it.
Teach our children that sex isn’t an evil sin that must be avoided at all costs until marriage – that can only end in shitty sex! We must encourage them to embrace it as a gift from God that should be enjoyed by both partners when they are ready for it.
Parents let us teach our girls to know their own bodies and have agency over that body – not hand over control to a man.
Let’s teach our boys that they have no say over what we choose to or not to do when it comes to our bodies, wombs and vaginas.
Protect our children as best we know how. Make birth control accessible with the right counselling that does not only focus on abstinence.
Stop the hypocrisy!
